Your Changing Direction

“Life is a process of working out what’s not working for you and disentangling yourself from it and trying then not to walk into the same thing again. Watching your patterns and correcting them if you can.”

(Siobhan Fayey – Musician)

I was rummaging through some old boxes the other day looking for something and discovered a box I had forgotten all about. It was a box that held bits and pieces that I had created as a child including 1 school project that even had the pattern I used.

I flicked through the detail of the pattern, with the order steps were to be taken and the overall design. I recall that even though the class were all given the same brief we had all produced different patterns to get to the end result.

It reminded me a lot of what I do now when working with someone. I look at what they are doing and in which order and we then potentially alter those patterns so that they create something new and improved.

Sometimes it may be using a model of something that has worked elsewhere – either when someone else has used that approach or it’s something that has worked in other parts of this person’s life.

Other times it is about just tweaking what they are already doing to make an adjustment to the final outcome.

This week I invite you to notice the patterns that crop up in your life.

Sometimes all it takes is for you to become consciously aware of this so that you can choose to do more (or less) of an activity or thought so that you can influence your own life.

If you don’t already set some time aside each day, this week make a written record of what you have done that day and the impact that it had on you. It can be things you’ve physically done (i.e. I felt much more energised after a 15 minute walk) or it may be a thought (i.e. I imagined what could go wrong with the work presentation next week and felt really unconfident about it all).

Spot any patterns and then you can make a choice if you want to do more or less of that pattern. Alternatively you could always start altering that pattern. For example, if you really must imagine everything that can go wrong with a work presentation use that to have contingency plans for each situation and also imagine everything going right as well

Have a week full of fun patterns

Love

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”
(Thomas Edison, who patented 1093 ideas – including his invention of the light bulb)

Have you ever had the occasion when your attention is drawn to something and all of a sudden it’s everywhere?

Perhaps you’re looking to buy a particular type of car and all of a sudden there seems to be an influx of that model on the roads. Maybe either yourself or close friend/ family member becomes pregnant and you are suddenly aware of an increase in the number of pregnant ladies that you see.

It’s highly unlikely that in reality there has been an influx, it’s just that you happen to be more aware so notice them even more. (Unless you’ve suddenly moved next door to that type of car show room or a maternity unit!)

Play with the following: take 30 seconds to look and notice everything that is behind you that is the colour brown. When you’ve had 30 seconds turn back to facing forwards and read the next paragraph.

Done that? So without looking, how many things can you name that are behind you that are the colour blue?

If you haven’t already turn round and have a look to see what you missed when you were purposefully looking for brown things.

The blue things were still there it’s just that most people don’t notice them in as much detail.

So what are you noticing about your life at the moment? Are you noticing lots of opportunities, or do you notice things to complain about or get exasperated by?

Just because you are noticing certain things in your life, it does not mean that there are not others there that you could choose to notice either instead or as well.

For example, what do you do if your train is delayed or a flight cancelled? Complain to anyone and everyone who will listen, sigh and do nothing or something else?

J K Rowling, who at the time was a single Mum on benefits, is suppose to have used a 4 hour train delay to put pen to paper for the first time about a boy attending a school for wizards. Several years further on and the 6th Harry Potter film is just opening around the world with much fan interest.

Upon hearing that his flight had been cancelled in 1984, Richard Branson chartered a jet and invited the other stranded passengers to fly for free. Several of those fellow passengers became investors in what was to become the airline Virgin Atlantic.

In those examples J K Rowling and Richard Branson may have been in two very different situations, with different resources available to them, but they both choose to use the situation as an opportunity to do something different.

I happened to catch a bit of a movie on one of the TV movie channels this week that was based upon the real life story of an award winning and nationally recognised teacher Brad Cohern. Diagnosed with Tourette syndrome at the age of 6, the tics and noises were often misunderstood as he was growing up and yet he turned this into an asset. He uses what he has learnt with his condition and his experiences to make a difference with what he does now.  Brad says that Tourette syndrome made him the teacher he never had.

This week I invite you to notice what you are focusing upon.

Remember you don’t have to do anything different, just notice and then make a choice of what you then want to do.

How would you live your life if you knew that there was a possibility that something you did today would lead to all sorts of opportunities in the future? Would you approach something apparently mundane with more enthusiasm or renewed interest?

Have a play and find out the difference it makes for you.

Have a week full of opportunities

Love

Jen

PS I’ve spent the month of July particularly looking for fun new ways to add value and service to what I offer. If you have something you’d like me to get involved with by all means get in touch and we can have a chat about how it can work.

Those who “follow” me on twitter may have watched the following clip I posted at the start of the week.

It’s a clip that appealed to me partly because I find the idea of a song and dance routine breaking out in such a normal every day setting somewhat amusing.

However, as I sat and watched a drama unfold all because of the need for a napkin it also occurred to me that the story that we tell ourselves about an event can have a big impact.

You may have noticed for yourself that the same facts can happen to 2 different people and you can get two different response. You may even have noticed that exactly the same thing can happen to the same person and they respond differently on any different days.

There can be many different causes and reasons for that reaction. The story that we tell ourselves about that can play a big part in our response, either with what action we choose to take and/or how we feel.

This week I actually invite you to play and make a drama out of something in your life. See the difference each of these stories makes for you, if you then decide to do something different then by all means do so.

1. Pick something or an area of your life that you’d like a new perspective on/ something you were stuck on and/or you’d just like it to be different.

2. Write a drama (it can be as short or as long as you like but a paragraph or two is plenty) where you play the victim role in this situation.

3. Using the same situation write a drama, (again a paragraph or two can be enough) where you play the hero role.

4. Next, using the same situation write a drama where you play villain.

5. Notice which of those stories is closest to the story you normally tell yourself.

6. Who would you be without that story?

Have a week filled with the drama of your choosing

Love

Jen

PS Follow me on Twitter by visiting here, and then click on follow

If you prefer to listen to this weeks Your Changing Direction message, “Taking time to use what works”, then you can now by clicking here.

I was taking a break from something I was writing the other day, when I caught a snippet of some sort of historical reality show. It involved the participants living in Victorian conditions and those taking part in the show were learning lots of new ways of doing things. One of the participants commented that the one thing that struck them most is how revolutionary they found the various resources we have in the modern day as they provide us with so much more time.

As I watched, I was reminded of the quote “Those that fail to learn from history, are doomed to repeat it.” (Churchill) So often people learn about history and not from it. Prior to my break from the writing I had been struggling to word a particular section. Recalling days gone by and the various time saving resources I already knew I realised that I wasn’t actually using what, for me, makes creating writing easier.

Read the rest of this entry »

One of the gifts I was given this Christmas was a DVD of a band and part of the special features was a film about them returning to where they first started out to do some secret gigs. As they were travelling to these locations they were being asked how they felt about going back to do these and one of them said “Part of me thinks, what are we doing back here? We’ve already done this.”

As we approach the start of 2009, it is the time of year when people are considering change and New Year resolutions. It is not that uncommon for these resolutions to be about getting back to something that you have achieved in the past – so it may be that you want to get back into the jeans that you could wear 5 years ago, or maybe its about getting back the feeling that you used to have about a particular event or person.

I often find that when people imagine themselves achieving such resolutions or goals that they are imagining themselves at a time back when they last did it – so for example, if the new years resolution is to get back into the jeans they could wear 5 years ago, they imagine themselves 5 years ago getting into the jeans, rather then in the present or the near future.

I’ve written previous posts about how your brain is a bit like a taxi driver – it’s easier for you to get to where you want if you are clear in what you want your destination to be (See this post for more details)

If when you imagine yourself doing something you are imagining a you from the past, you run the risk of part of you going “We’ve already done this.” Make it easier on yourself, by all means have a goal of getting into a particular pair of jeans – make sure that when you imagine doing that, that you imagine a present or future you (not one in the past).

I invite you to play with the following for any new year’s resolution or goals that you are currently working with:

1. Imagine what it will be like when you achieve this new years resolution/ goal

2. Notice what age you are imagining yourself to be – if this is a you in the past, remember that this is your imagination so change it to imagine something else instead.
Likewise if you realise that you are imagining achieving this a lot further into the future than you would like, have a play at imagining it happening sooner.

Have a fantastic week and I’ll take this opportunity to wish you a Happy New Year.

Love

Have a fantastic week and I’ll take this opportunity to wish you a Happy New Year.

Love

Jen

Last week I talked about labels that concern a particular job or role and the impact that taking on a job title as part of your identity can have.  If you missed the first part of this piece you can still read it by visiting here

This week, as promised, I invite you to play with the concept of labels concerning characteristics. You may have heard others (or done it yourself) describe themselves as a characteristic or to put it another way a particular type of behaviour or feeling – Maybe it was something like “unconfident” or “insecure”.

You may also have noticed that sometimes those labels are the reason someone gives for what is getting in the way of doing something – For example a reason given for not speaking in staff meetings is because they are “shy”.

The thing that I have noticed is that when people include such labels as part of their identity – the way that they think of themselves that they also include a whole set of “rules” or guidelines associated with that label. They use the label to explain a particular way of behaving.

The times when these labels can be the reason for people becoming stuck in a particular situation is when they take away the flexibility of how to choose to behave (or not) in certain situations. The label in effect is used as something that is permanent and static.

Assigning this label to your identity also can have the effect of taking away your choice of how to behave. Human beings are complex creatures, living in a world that has many different changing variables. Many of those variables are outside of our direct control. We do however have more control over our own choices (once we are aware that we are making them.)

Today I invite you to play with the following to have more choice.

1.    Choose a label that you know that you use to describe yourself (Remember you don’t have to change it – you can always choose to keep it later, we’re only playing.) Many people find that its easier to answer these questions if they get the answer out on paper rather than keeping it just in their head. If you haven’t already grab a pen and paper to play with the following.

2.    Byron Katie has recently released a book entitled Who Would You Be Without Your Story. Who would you be without this particular label you’ve chosen to explore?

3.    What action could you take if you weren’t this label?

4.    I could ask you to find evidence for occasions and situations when you have behaved differently however for now, notice how different the following sentence feels – Sometimes I’m [your label] and sometimes I’m not.

For example if you are playing with the label of shy the sentence for you to say is sometimes I’m shy and sometimes I’m not.

The reason that this sentence can be so powerful is because it adds in the possibility that you can behave differently and you have that choice. Some also find that it takes off any pressure that they were placing upon themselves to have to behave a certain way ALL the time.

Love

Jen

PS is there something that you would like me to write specifically about? I want to make these messages relevant to you. Email me or leave me a comment and let me know what you’d like me to talk further about. You can make it as detailed or as brief as you’d like but I’d love to hear from you.