Your Changing Direction

One of the gifts I was given this Christmas was a DVD of a band and part of the special features was a film about them returning to where they first started out to do some secret gigs. As they were travelling to these locations they were being asked how they felt about going back to do these and one of them said “Part of me thinks, what are we doing back here? We’ve already done this.”

As we approach the start of 2009, it is the time of year when people are considering change and New Year resolutions. It is not that uncommon for these resolutions to be about getting back to something that you have achieved in the past – so it may be that you want to get back into the jeans that you could wear 5 years ago, or maybe its about getting back the feeling that you used to have about a particular event or person.

I often find that when people imagine themselves achieving such resolutions or goals that they are imagining themselves at a time back when they last did it – so for example, if the new years resolution is to get back into the jeans they could wear 5 years ago, they imagine themselves 5 years ago getting into the jeans, rather then in the present or the near future.

I’ve written previous posts about how your brain is a bit like a taxi driver – it’s easier for you to get to where you want if you are clear in what you want your destination to be (See this post for more details)

If when you imagine yourself doing something you are imagining a you from the past, you run the risk of part of you going “We’ve already done this.” Make it easier on yourself, by all means have a goal of getting into a particular pair of jeans – make sure that when you imagine doing that, that you imagine a present or future you (not one in the past).

I invite you to play with the following for any new year’s resolution or goals that you are currently working with:

1. Imagine what it will be like when you achieve this new years resolution/ goal

2. Notice what age you are imagining yourself to be – if this is a you in the past, remember that this is your imagination so change it to imagine something else instead.
Likewise if you realise that you are imagining achieving this a lot further into the future than you would like, have a play at imagining it happening sooner.

Have a fantastic week and I’ll take this opportunity to wish you a Happy New Year.

Love

Have a fantastic week and I’ll take this opportunity to wish you a Happy New Year.

Love

Jen

Last week I talked about labels that concern a particular job or role and the impact that taking on a job title as part of your identity can have.  If you missed the first part of this piece you can still read it by visiting here

This week, as promised, I invite you to play with the concept of labels concerning characteristics. You may have heard others (or done it yourself) describe themselves as a characteristic or to put it another way a particular type of behaviour or feeling – Maybe it was something like “unconfident” or “insecure”.

You may also have noticed that sometimes those labels are the reason someone gives for what is getting in the way of doing something – For example a reason given for not speaking in staff meetings is because they are “shy”.

The thing that I have noticed is that when people include such labels as part of their identity – the way that they think of themselves that they also include a whole set of “rules” or guidelines associated with that label. They use the label to explain a particular way of behaving.

The times when these labels can be the reason for people becoming stuck in a particular situation is when they take away the flexibility of how to choose to behave (or not) in certain situations. The label in effect is used as something that is permanent and static.

Assigning this label to your identity also can have the effect of taking away your choice of how to behave. Human beings are complex creatures, living in a world that has many different changing variables. Many of those variables are outside of our direct control. We do however have more control over our own choices (once we are aware that we are making them.)

Today I invite you to play with the following to have more choice.

1.    Choose a label that you know that you use to describe yourself (Remember you don’t have to change it – you can always choose to keep it later, we’re only playing.) Many people find that its easier to answer these questions if they get the answer out on paper rather than keeping it just in their head. If you haven’t already grab a pen and paper to play with the following.

2.    Byron Katie has recently released a book entitled Who Would You Be Without Your Story. Who would you be without this particular label you’ve chosen to explore?

3.    What action could you take if you weren’t this label?

4.    I could ask you to find evidence for occasions and situations when you have behaved differently however for now, notice how different the following sentence feels – Sometimes I’m [your label] and sometimes I’m not.

For example if you are playing with the label of shy the sentence for you to say is sometimes I’m shy and sometimes I’m not.

The reason that this sentence can be so powerful is because it adds in the possibility that you can behave differently and you have that choice. Some also find that it takes off any pressure that they were placing upon themselves to have to behave a certain way ALL the time.

Love

Jen

PS is there something that you would like me to write specifically about? I want to make these messages relevant to you. Email me or leave me a comment and let me know what you’d like me to talk further about. You can make it as detailed or as brief as you’d like but I’d love to hear from you.