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“Life itself is the most wonderful fairytale of all.”
Hans Christian Andersen

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I’m delighted to announce the launch of my Confidence for Job Seekers program.

Increasingly over recent times I have been getting more and more enquiries and been doing even more work about building confidence in relation to jobs and career.

Comments such as

•Putting myself out there scares me
• I always get really nervous before and during interviews
• I secretly doubt that I am the best for the job
• I hate the prospect of having everyone’s attention on me
• I have no idea how to go about “selling myself”
• I fear that I will be discovered as not being good enough

are becoming more common from both those I’m starting to work with personally and arriving in my inbox as general questions.

There are easy to use methods and techniques that can make a huge positive difference with all these, and similar questions and concerns. I know that when you are job hunting you can be short on finance as well as time.

So I’ve created a solution that takes all that into account. Because it has different levels of support. That way you can pick the one that fits your needs and make it easy on your pocket.

Click here for the full details of what each level provides.

Here’s just a short list of the many things you can learn how to do:

• Deal with interview nerves – for before and during.
Including a technique to give you an immediate quick burst of confidence
• Discover methods that mean your past does not have to affect how you feel about your future jobs
• Acknowledge your achievements rather than cringing at being the focus of attention
• Change the way you think about selling yourself
• Overcome fear of failure

Alongside the Confidence for Job Seekers packages I also have a bonus prize draw to win 6 x 45 minute coaching calls with myself, everybody who books one of the Confidence for Job Seekers packages before 1am (UK time) 11th March 2009 will automatically be entered into the draw.

Give yourself the advantage that other job hunters won’t have. Put yourself above those who don’t know how to use these tips and techniques to increase their confidence.

By Booking one of the Confidence for Job Seekers packages take control of the impression you want to give your future employers.

Click here for the full details of what each level provides.

I received a text from a friend this week saying that they were running late and would it be OK if we meet half an hour later then planned? The text I sent back was “Seeing it’s you, that’s fine ”

Having an extra 30 minutes I took my time to enjoy the journey across to where we had arranged to meet. As I strolled I considered the sorts of things that we are all prepared to do for those people that we like in comparison for the things that we are prepared to do for those that we don’t like.

Before you move on reading the rest of this I invite you to consider for yourself the sort of things – both practically and emotionally that YOU are prepared to do for those that you like and those that you don’t like.

Read the rest of this entry »

So decorations are up and Miracle on 34^th Street has just aired on the television – it is that time of year. The festive season often brings situations and scenarios that you don’t find yourself in during the rest of the year. For some they totally enjoy and look forward to this, for others confidence issues can get in the way of looking forward to these times. A recent survey, for example, found that almost 1 in 3 office workers dread the office Christmas party. This month I thought I would briefly cover some practical tips to specifically deal with some of these situations. These are not an extensive list, just a few practical ways for you to play with and give you some more flexibility to choose to do something different this time.

• When you look in the mirror what is it that you say to yourself? Is it a variation of “yuck” or that your nose is too big or that you’re too skinny? If its something that isn’t particularly complimentary then I suspect that changing that will make a big difference. Notice what it is that your saying to yourself. Keep the same words repeat it to yourself again BUT this time use the silliest voice that you can imagine – whether that’s a cartoon character’s voice or just a really over exaggerated comedy voice notice if it has the same impact hearing that said in that tone. (For an extra bonus try moving the new silly voice off into the distance and see how different that is.)

Feeling unconfident about a particular event?

• Make life easy for yourself: if you already know that having your hair done or that wearing a particular outfit or pair of shoes gives you a boost then use it to your advantage.

• Plan to make sure that you have enough time to comfortably get ready before arriving, you’ll find it a lot easier if you are not running around like a mad thing at the very last minute. Do what you know works so that you arrive feeling more relaxed than stressed and flustered.

Feeling unconfident about the prospect of meeting an individual/family member?

• Again, lets make this as easy as possible. Is there is a particular individual who when you think about meeting them now results in you feeling unconfident? I’m presuming that this person is not physically with you at this moment so if you were feeling unconfident then it would suggest that the trigger was how you were thinking about them rather than anything they were doing at that moment.

You may find this easier to play with if you close your eyes and imagine the person whom you were feeling unconfident around. Without opening your eyes, point to where you are imagining that person.

Once you are pointing, open your eyes and notice if you are pointing above your eye-line, level or below your eye-line.

Most people find that if they are imagining someone above their eye-line that they feel intimidated by them. If this applies to you, as this is your brain, play with moving where you imagine that person. See how different it feels if you imagine that person at your eye-level or below your eye-level.

This may sound really simple, but it is amazing the effect it can have about how you are feeling about someone.

• Choose to spend more time around people that you feel good being around and less time around those who you don’t.

Have an exit strategy planned in advance should you want to use it – Some people report that just knowing how they can politely get out of a conversation or even the entire situation takes the pressure off and allows them to confidently focus on what is actually going on around them.

• Remember to breathe. Yes, I know that can sound simple and yet the rate and depth of how we breathe can impact massively upon how we are feeling. Use this to your advantage; if you notice that you are not feeling confident change the rate that you are breathing at (I suggest that you breath more slowly and deeply.) If you really want to go mad you could even add smiling at the same time.

These are just some of the ways that you can play with so that the events that you confidently choose to go to are far more enjoyable.

Have a wonderfully confident Festive celebrations.

Love

Jen

I was channel hopping the other day and briefly came across an edition of “wife swap.” If you have never seen this show the concept is that two women temporarily swap families, for the first half of their stay they abide by the normal house lifestyle, for the second half the visiting lady imposes her own “rules”. The bit of the show I saw was in that second half. Whenever any of the house broke one of her rules she put the “offending” family member into a time out space. She also physically stuck a label onto them detailing their offence (e.g. “Potty Mouth”).

As I watched (and wondered how the researchers for the show had managed to find families at such opposing ways of living!), I thought more about how people often walk around with their own labels. Granted they are not the physical sticky version that the Wife Swap participant was using but these ones can have huge impact on our daily life.

Broadly speaking these labels fall into 2 different categories – those that concern a particular role/job and those that are about characteristics. I invite you to consider the labels that you walk around with and how it impacts your life. We’ll also look at some simple alternatives if you would like to lose some of those labels. This week I’ll be focusing upon the labels that concern a particular role or job and next week those labels that concern particular characteristics.

You’ve probably heard others do it when introducing themselves; maybe you’ve even done it yourself. “I’m an administrator/hypnotist/student/ insert relevant role”. You may be reading this thinking well I am, that’s what I do. And to a certain extent you are right that is what you do for work.

What’s the difference? One you are using as a label of who you actually are; part of your identity, the other as a description of an action that you do – i.e. you work as an administrator/hypnotist or you are studying.

I know this may seem like semantics but lets consider the impact that including such labels as part of your identity:

Many people already have preconceived ideas about how a particular role “should” be played. They then use this as a benchmark for how they do that role in reality.

This can have a couple of effects; firstly it often focuses on the process of how to achieve something, rather than the result. It may be that the process that this role “should” do works really well for you, it may also be that in other situations you have developed methods that will work even better for you. Sometimes people ignore these other methods because in their own head it’s not the perfect way that this role should be done.

Let’s take being “a student” as an example, the end result is surely learning and/or demonstrating a particular skill or piece of knowledge – there are many, many different ways, methods and processes to get to that end result. Sometimes “students” get so caught up with the way that they perceive how a student “should” behave to get results, that they ignore what’s worked for them as an individual in the past when they have been studying other things. They get caught up in playing the role of a student rather than focusing on the result they want to achieve.

This feeling of playing a part can also effect how comfortable you feel in your own skin. A fear of being found out as being a fake is a fairly common confession for those who want to increase their confidence. Which when put into a context of the use of labels with jobs/roles is not that surprising.

Another potential consequence of using this form of label is the impact that it can have when that job or role ends.

A sudden loss of job can be feel even worse if an individual feels that role was part of their identity. I know from working with people who have been made redundant or laid off that the reality of a loss of that particular income etc is the same regardless of how you thought of the role. I do know that those who had been thinking of it as what they did found it felt a lot better about the situation than those who thought about it as part of their identity.

Notice for yourself how you currently describe your situation. If you are using it as a label I invite you this week to play and change that description.

1.  On a piece of paper write down the following sentence:

“A [your label] should ….”

Instead of [your label] actually write the label you have been using

For example:

A nurse should ……

2. For the next minute write everything that springs to mind to complete that sentence – you only have 1 minute so don’t waste the time by debating if you should write that answer or not, if it’s sprung to mind just write it down and come back to it later.

3. After a minute, re-read what you have written and notice the previously unwritten rules that you had been judging yourself by.

4. If there is a particular situation you’ve been stuck with finding the next step on you may want to ask yourself the following question:

If someone didn’t have to follow the rules written at stage 2, what could they do instead?

Bonus tip for if you want to try a different way

5. Decide upon a different way of describing what you currently do i.e. I work as a teacher or I work teaching 7 year olds.

6. Go and introduce yourself to 5 different people using your new description – notice the difference that this makes to both the way you feel and to the response that you get from the other person.

Enjoy playing and next week I’ll talk about characteristic labels

Love

Jen

PS Is there something that you would like me to write specifically about? My mind reading is a bit vague so do email me or leave me a comment to tell me about what you want to read about :)

One of the games I sometimes play in trainings is to pick some of the largest companies with well-known brand names and as a group answer questions such as:

If Brand x was a person:

(a) What would they wear?
(b) How would they spend their spare time?
(c) What would be their favourite food?
(d) What would they do on holiday?
(e) Where would they shop?

Interestingly, despite doing this with very different types of groups the answers for each brand are often the same. When we discuss how the group came to decide upon the answers that they gave they often say that they considered things such as:

Personal experience of the brand’s product or service
The companies marketing and advertising
Stories in the press
Knowledge of the people in charge,
Printed material – letters, catalogues etc

When we look at how these successful brands describe themselves and their identity it becomes obvious that they successfully communicate this by demonstrating it in their behaviours.

For example, people often say that a well known airline would go hot air ballooning or do some fun extreme sport in their spare time. Visiting the companies own website to shows that they describe themselves as fun and list some examples of how they communicate this.

This link between communicating using behaviour and action is not something that can be confined to successfully branded companies. Individuals will find it easier to communicate more authentically if their behaviours and actions match with what they are saying (or wanting to say).

I invite you to play with the following. It’s designed to give you a way to communicate authentically your skills and qualities. This exercise was originally written to be used when applying for a new job as a way of communicating the value you can add. It can also be used if there is someone in your life who you feel misses your value, you may also want to use it as your own confidence-building tool.

1. Pick a situation or scenario where it would be useful for you to effectively communicate your skills and qualities.

2. It’s always easier to know how to demonstrate behaviour when you have identified what that is. So, make a list of the qualities and skills that you would like to communicate to this person or in this situation.

3. Read through your list and for each point consider how you could demonstrate this.

For example: Want to show that you are interested in the other person? You could demonstrate that by listening to what that person is actually saying (not what you think they said) the next time you talk to them. [Listening is a really under rated skill, many people think that if they are not talking then they are demonstrating listening]

Tips for if you get stuck on any point:

· Remember that I invite you to play with this as a game – an experiment if you like. I’m only asking what you could do, you don’t have to go and do it, so you can be as imaginative as you want with this

· You are allowed to keep this simple – there is no need to overcomplicate your answer.

For example, if you would like to demonstrate that you are a good timekeeper – turn up on time for an appointment!

4. Once you have thought of some method of demonstrating that skill or quality for each point, go through the list again and put a Capital B next to the ones that you can do easily

5. Now, read through your list and put a star next to all the ones that you want to do.

6. Finally read through your list again and pick at least one that you will do and using either your diary, calendar, a post it on the fridge door or whatever method you use to keep track of appointments, schedule in a time when you will demonstrate the thing that you picked.

I’d love to hear your experience of playing with this, feel free to let me know how it was for you

Have a fantastic and valued 7 days

love

Jen