You Can Have What You Want by Michael Neill

17 01 2009

The latest recommendation to be added to the resource section of the site is “You Can Have What You Want” by Michael Neill.

Michael Neill's YouCan Have What You Want

Michael Neill “has been a success coach, friend, mentor and creative spark plug to celebrities, CEO’s, royalty and people just wanting more from their lives” this book is filled with his proven techniques that he uses when working one to one. Written in a really conversational and jargon free manner it is a friendly and practical guide to how you can have what you really want.

Jam packed with lots of information, the book is split into 2 main sections – part 1, entitled “creating a life that makes you go ‘wow!’” while part 2 is called “an obstacle course to success”. Filled with both theoretical and very easy and practical thoughts, concepts and exercises this is one of my favourite books for making change easy and providing a catalyst to working around or walking through what is getting in your way.

You Can Have What You Want [ link]
You Can Have What You Want: Proven Strategies for Inner and Outer Success [ link]

See more recommendations on the Main Resources Page


Congruence by Jamie Dixon

1 12 2008
Jamie Dixon is, in my opinion, one of the rising stars of his generation. Apart from being highly trained and skillful at working with clients, he regularly takes what works in one area and applies and plays with it in other areas of life.
My aim with these messages is to provide you with useful, thought provoking and practical tips and techniques. For the first time in over 2 years of sending out such messages I have a guest writer to share his quality thoughts with you.
This week I invite you to play with Jamie’s words. I also encourage you to follow his example and apply the techniques in other areas other than just the ones he mentions, you can use it any time you want to communicate more dynamically – maybe when telling stories to your children, giving a speech at a wedding or family celebration or during a business presentation. However this may apply to the specifics of your life I hope you enjoy playing. I’ll be back next week with some of my own words :)
Congruence  by Jamie Dixon

I was listening to a friend tell me a story the other day about one of his favourite hobbies, motorbike riding. He was telling me about a trip out he’d had riding through the winding roads of a mountain with pine trees on both sides and the wind blowing at his back. As he rode and increased the speed he described to me how he felt when he was millimetres from the ground as he turned round hair pin corners feeling the tip of his knee brushing against the road and the sun blinding him right before his bike corrected it’s balance and he shot forwards down the long straight road of total freedom.

As he was telling me these things I started to notice how his tone of voice was shifting, how his skin colour was changing and the muscles in his cheeks were rising and falling as he described the most intense parts of his experience. His eyes became wide and bright, his smile grew and each part of his being was associated into the experience he was describing.

When I’ve heard people talking about congruence when working with people I’ve most often found that it was being talked about from the clients’ perspective. That is, watching the client and noticing when they’re congruent and when they’re not. Noticing when they say yes and shake their head no, sensing when they claim excitement and demonstrate a mediocre emotion and generally being aware how a person says what they say and whether that matches with what they talk about linguistically.

Another side of congruence, and one I find to be an important and key part of working with people in general, is that of being congruent as a coach in what we say and what we demonstrate and also being congruent with our own values.

What I mean by this is that when we work with people and we tell them stories or ask them questions to elicit certain states, what I’ve found to be one of the most important aspects of this is to demonstrate the state in question as we talk about it. Now, even though it is possibly to elicit a state in someone simply by describing it,
from experience, it’s much easier for both the listener and the speaker if the speaker is demonstrating what he/she is talking about.

This also makes it easier for the client to unconsciously understand what to do even when we’re not talking about the states themselves.  Sometimes simply by going into the right state and being congruent with what we want our client to feel, they simply begin to go into that space.

So how can we practice being congruent with what we want our client to experience?

Here are 5 steps for practicing different states so that you can easily go into them when you want too.

For this example we can use curiosity.

1.       Remember a time when you were curious about something before and see what you saw at the time, hear what you heard, smell and taste anything that you might have at the time and begin to remember what it feels like to become curious now.

2.       As you start to notice what it feels like to become curious, start to intensify the feelings and then remember a second time when you felt curious and see what you saw, hear what you heard and begin to double and triple the feelings of curiosity.

3.       Notice how this sense of curiosity feels and begin to describe one of the times you’ve felt curious. This might be done by telling a story about this time you were curious.

4.       Remember this feeling and then find another person to tell this story too.

5.       Begin telling this story of curiosity and notice how the feelings come back and how the person you’re telling the story too begins to also become more curious.

The more you go into the state that you want to elicit in your client, the easier and quicker they’ll go into that state.

It’s interesting how even unconsciously we can notice whether someone is really putting forward what they’re talking about compared to when they’re doing things by rote. This can make all the different with the people we’re working with and often makes or breaks a session.

For many of you this will already be something you do and the more you practice and the more you learn what it feels like for you to go into the states you want to elicit in your clients, the easier and more diverse it will become. You might even begin to realise that each of these states is in fact not just one type of feeling but also that it has a spectrum of feelings that can be used for similar responses, each with its own different levels of intensity.

Please post comments on how this works for you and how you’ll use this in the future.

Most importantly remember to have fun with this. It’s about playing, experimenting and experiencing more of the things we like.

Love, Jamie

(c) Jamie Dixon 2008

PS If you want to read more of Jamie’s work visit, where you can register so that you are one of the first to find out about new articles, reviews and discoveries.


False Eyelashes and Curiosity

3 11 2008

I love completely random facts, there doesn’t have to be any obvious practical application for the information I’ve found/been given to provoke me to give a genuine “Really? That’s interesting” response.


One of my favourite completely random pieces of information is that false eyelashes were invented in 1916 by a silent movie director who wanted to make his female stars eyes look bigger on screen. I came across this information years ago at a time when I still worked in the pub and hospitality industry, I never dreamed that it would come in useful, I just thought it was interesting. However, a few weeks after I learnt this fact I was called upon to quickly come up with a tie-breaker question for a busy quiz night that gave all teams an equal chance.


I love learning new stuff, I can’t help it – I am naturally curious. It’s one of the things that got me to where I am today, I found something that interested me and I just got curious to find out more. Just like with the randomness of the false eyelashes, the opportunities that can arise to use the skills/ information etc that can be developed from being curious may not always be obvious before hand.


It was this curiosity over the weekend that led to me being at an event that was in effect eavesdropping on a rehearsal between the actor Patrick Stewart and the successful director, John Barton. They introduced the event by saying that they were going to play with the text and experiment with different ways of using it – they too were getting curious, with some incredible results.


There are lots of hidden benefits to this curiosity about stuff you find interesting. For me, it’s also the easy way of doing things. When I’m curious and interested about any topic then I’ll happily read, watch, listen or take action to find out what happens next and generally want to find out more. This means that the momentum often snowballs on a project very easily.


It can also be a great way to increase your confidence in an area – sometimes a lack of confidence is based around your own perception of your skills in any area, getting curious about developing those and having an accurate assessment of where you are can be a huge benefit.


What can you get curious about today? What would you love to find out more about?

If you are up for it I invite you to give yourself some time to play with this. Pick a time frame that fits with where you are at the moment and your life, it may be a couple of minutes, it may be a couple of hours, maybe a couple of days … you get the idea.


1. Pick a topic that interests you and decide that you are going to spend your allotted time getting curious about that topic.


One of the key parts to this is pick something that you find interesting – not something you think you “should” find interesting, something that you actually do. It doesn’t have to be an earth shattering, life-changing topic – we’re only playing J

If you are still wondering what to pick – if you were reading a magazine what articles would cause you to pause and read more – or if you were flicking through unlimited TV channels and a documentary/ behind the scenes/ day in a life of show caused you to stop, what would that topic be?


I wonder what would happen if you allowed yourself to get a bit more curious?


2. As you allow yourself to wonder and be curious about this topic notice what questions come up for you around this area….


Maybe it’s a “how do they do that” type question, or a “why does that happen”, it might even be “I wonder what that feels like” perhaps its something else entirely – make a note of the questions you are aware of and note them down.


3. From your list of questions notice which (if any of them), you want to go find out more about – it may be that you can do a quick search on the Internet, perhaps taking someone to lunch and asking them would find you the answers. Maybe it’s even trying something for yourself.


4. What would be a fun way of finding those answers out?


NB: Here’s the disclaimer bit, do check out the safety aspect and consequences of any action you choose to take – In the unlikely event you are curious about what it feels like to electrocuted I am not suggesting sticking your fingers in a plug socket to experience it for yourself – maybe find a second hand account and find the answer that way!


5. Pick an action that would be fun (yet safe!) to do, something that you are curious to see the results of, and go and play.


I’m curious to know about your experience playing with this and would love to hear how you get on.


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