Your Changing Direction

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
(Eleanor Roosevelt)

Imagine the following scenario:

You are out in a social setting with a group of friends and acquaintances. As you arrive there is someone you hardly know getting a round of drinks and they ask you what you want. When you reply, they answer, “Oh you won’t like that” and get you something else instead.

There’s a jukebox in the corner and for some reason you end up there choosing the music to be played next – that same person comes up looks at what you are selecting says “Oh you won’t like that” and chooses something else for you.

There’s a similar story when it comes to choosing something to eat – you have selected something from the menu and this same person says what is becoming increasingly familiar “Oh you won’t like that!”

What would your reaction be? Do you take kindly to someone telling you your business and what you’ll like, particularly someone you hardly know?

Granted that person may turn out to be right, when you try the food it may not be to your liking, but their comment is based upon their own experience rather than knowing your tastes.

Yet I come across so many people who don’t give a second thought for making up complete strangers minds for them. You may be reading this and wondering where and with whom I am hanging out to encounter such behaviour and to be fair it’s not that I encounter lots of people when I’m out telling me what I should be eating and drinking etc. I do see and hear it in other contexts though …

Maybe you’ve heard others, perhaps even yourself, say something like:
“If they really knew me they wouldn’t like me”,
“I won’t apply for that job as I already know they won’t say yes”
or “I couldn’t possibly talk to that person, they are far too attractive to actually want to talk to me!”

So often people imagine what another person will say or how they will react based on nothing more than their own opinions rather than letting the other person decide using their own taste. They will choose not to apply for a job because they have decided that they will not be given the role. They will not cross a room to talk to the gorgeous stranger because in their heads they’ve already decided what that stranger likes and its not them.

Now the act of mind reading and predicting what the other person is thinking in itself is not the thing that causes a problem for many people. The problem comes with what they then do with that mind read – first they normally listen to it and treat it as a far more important piece of information than any other thought or piece of information. Then they take action based solely on that thought – which may or may not be true.

This week I invite you to let another person make up their own minds and don’t do it for them.

If at any time you catch yourself doing a spot of mind reading, congratulate yourself for spotting that in the first place. Then tell yourself that yes they may – or they may not.

Have an enjoyable week with less mind-reading

Love

Jen

“Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know that so it goes on flying anyway.”
(Mary Key Ash)

Wednesday night saw The Pride of Britain Awards televised in the UK. The awards show honours ordinary people who are capable of extraordinary things.

All winners were there because of their inspirational stories. Some had shown exceptional courage in a moment when others could have frozen in that situation. These included Sally-Ann Sutton who fought a “raging rottweiler” to save a 1 year old from an attack.

Others were individuals who weren’t conforming to what is perhaps the perceived “wisdom” about what they could achieve. Doris Long for example learnt to absail at the age of 85. Major Phil Packer, who after sustaining a spinal chord injury while serving in Iraq, decided that he would raise £1 million pounds for charity – with a series of physical challenges such as completing the London Marathon.

Both these individuals found ways and methods to achieve what they wanted despite their age or a physical injury. So what’s getting in your way of living the life that you want?

If you have ever read or watched any sci-fi or fantasy books, shows or films you’ll probably have come across the concept of parallel worlds and universies – an alternative reality. A world that is identical to this one but with one difference. As one of the characters explains in Buffy the Vampire Slayer: “alternate realities. You could uh, could have like a world without shrimp. Or with, you know, nothing but shrimp.”

Now, while I’d say it was unusual if you think that it’s shrimp holding you back, it reminded me of a variation on a question I’d heard Michael Neill ask in his 7 myths of success CD set

If there was an alternative world set up to help someone who looks and sounds exactly like you succeed despite what’s getting in your way, how would it be set up?

So for example, if you find the thing that’s in your way is speaking in public then maybe there are places you can go and learn how to do that comfortably and easily.
Or maybe it’s a world that’s set up so that you communicate mainly using other methods.

Perhaps it’s lack of finance that is getting in your way – maybe in that alternative reality there are lots of people who would love to give you money in exchange for the value that you bring. Maybe there are people who love to manage money for you in an efficient manner.

Or how about a universe that is set up just to help someone lacking in motivation. Maybe in that universe there are individuals who will do everything they know to do to coax, teach, provide accountability and support you so that you find momentum to easily enjoy moving forward. Perhaps in this alternative reality there were systems in place to encourage you to take action.

Play and be as imaginative as you want with your answers – after all this is an alternative reality we’re talking about, the aim is to make it up.

It’s only fair that I should warn you – it’s possible that along the way you may find that the idea’s that you have actually already exist in this world. If that does happen then there is potential that you may find yourself wanting to take action to bring that idea into reality for you.

Have a fun week full of creating reality

Love

Jen

“Life is a process of working out what’s not working for you and disentangling yourself from it and trying then not to walk into the same thing again. Watching your patterns and correcting them if you can.”

(Siobhan Fayey – Musician)

I was rummaging through some old boxes the other day looking for something and discovered a box I had forgotten all about. It was a box that held bits and pieces that I had created as a child including 1 school project that even had the pattern I used.

I flicked through the detail of the pattern, with the order steps were to be taken and the overall design. I recall that even though the class were all given the same brief we had all produced different patterns to get to the end result.

It reminded me a lot of what I do now when working with someone. I look at what they are doing and in which order and we then potentially alter those patterns so that they create something new and improved.

Sometimes it may be using a model of something that has worked elsewhere – either when someone else has used that approach or it’s something that has worked in other parts of this person’s life.

Other times it is about just tweaking what they are already doing to make an adjustment to the final outcome.

This week I invite you to notice the patterns that crop up in your life.

Sometimes all it takes is for you to become consciously aware of this so that you can choose to do more (or less) of an activity or thought so that you can influence your own life.

If you don’t already set some time aside each day, this week make a written record of what you have done that day and the impact that it had on you. It can be things you’ve physically done (i.e. I felt much more energised after a 15 minute walk) or it may be a thought (i.e. I imagined what could go wrong with the work presentation next week and felt really unconfident about it all).

Spot any patterns and then you can make a choice if you want to do more or less of that pattern. Alternatively you could always start altering that pattern. For example, if you really must imagine everything that can go wrong with a work presentation use that to have contingency plans for each situation and also imagine everything going right as well

Have a week full of fun patterns

Love

“Let it go, let it go, let it go
‘Cos it’s out of my control
Let it go, let it go
Don’t have to have it all
Grips so tight it shatters the only thing that matters
I only got one life
Heaven knows what I’m stressing for
Just let it go”

(Lyrics from Will Young’s “Let it Go”, written by Eg White, Jeremy Gregory and Karen Poole)

I’m told that today (June 23rd) is “Let it go day”. So it seems an appropriate time to write something about letting things go

I thought I’d share just a couple of the ways that I know to make letting go easier.

Sometimes, it’s as simple as accepting that the meaning that you had given an event is not necessarily true.

Maybe it’s a generalisation that because something happened once it will always happen. What if, there was no bigger meaning then it happened once?

An example of this is:

“because I ‘messed up’ speaking in public before when I forgot a line in a school play, it means I’ll always mess up public speaking.”

There are things you can learn to make speaking in public easy. (See my PS for a recommendation.) What if, there is no other meaning to that past event apart from you once forgot a line?

Sometimes it’s about letting go of mind reading what someone may or may not have thought.

For example, maybe you think a work colleague doesn’t like you based solely upon the fact that they didn’t come and talk to you at a busy social gathering.

While they may not like you, it’s also equally possible that they didn’t speak to you because they didn’t see you, they were stuck in a conversation they couldn’t get out of maybe they thought that you not talking to them meant that you didn’t like them …

What if, you let go of guessing and making up a reason, and let it just be that you didn’t talk to each other at the event?

If you are playing with this particular technique and you notice that you are getting caught up in a story behind an event etc, firstly congratulate yourself for noticing.

Then ask yourself the following: what if you allowed yourself to let go of that story?

You may find that when you let go of the reason behind you are inspired to take some action.

Sometimes it’s about letting go of a feeling.

For example maybe you want to want to let go of the feeling of disapproving of your body.

The following is loosely based upon the work of the abundance technique:

1. Notice where in your body you are feeling that feeling – e.g. in your stomach, chest maybe even your throat.

2. Imagine that you can open a door above that feeling

3. Open that door and let that feeling out

4. Notice the colour of that feeling as it all leaves your body

As today is let it go day, I invite you to let go of anything that is holding you back. It’s just for the day – if you want you can always pick it up whatever you let go off again at the end of the 24 hours!

Use either of the ways I mention above or one of your own. If you are then inspired to take action by all means feel free to do that.

Have a lovely freeing week

Love

Jen

PS If you want to learn more about developing your public speaking skills (including banishing any fear) then I highly recommend Jonathan Altfeld’s course coming up in London in a few weeks (With dates being scheduled periodically around the globe.)

Click here to read more about what I have to say about the course and for a special offer for my readers.

Those who “follow” me on twitter may have watched the following clip I posted at the start of the week.

It’s a clip that appealed to me partly because I find the idea of a song and dance routine breaking out in such a normal every day setting somewhat amusing.

However, as I sat and watched a drama unfold all because of the need for a napkin it also occurred to me that the story that we tell ourselves about an event can have a big impact.

You may have noticed for yourself that the same facts can happen to 2 different people and you can get two different response. You may even have noticed that exactly the same thing can happen to the same person and they respond differently on any different days.

There can be many different causes and reasons for that reaction. The story that we tell ourselves about that can play a big part in our response, either with what action we choose to take and/or how we feel.

This week I actually invite you to play and make a drama out of something in your life. See the difference each of these stories makes for you, if you then decide to do something different then by all means do so.

1. Pick something or an area of your life that you’d like a new perspective on/ something you were stuck on and/or you’d just like it to be different.

2. Write a drama (it can be as short or as long as you like but a paragraph or two is plenty) where you play the victim role in this situation.

3. Using the same situation write a drama, (again a paragraph or two can be enough) where you play the hero role.

4. Next, using the same situation write a drama where you play villain.

5. Notice which of those stories is closest to the story you normally tell yourself.

6. Who would you be without that story?

Have a week filled with the drama of your choosing

Love

Jen

PS Follow me on Twitter by visiting here, and then click on follow