Your Changing Direction

“Action expresses priorities.”

(Mohandas Ghandi)

One of the satellite film channels is currently running a “films you’ve always meant to see but just not got around to it” season. I smiled when I heard that as there are several movies that I’ve meant to watch and just not got around to. Just like there’s books I’ve not got round to reading etc.

The “just not got round to it” is one of the things I can hear when people talk about procrastinating. Despite the fact that people often refer to it as a character flaw that they have, it’s actually normally a clue to the importance that you are placing on an activity/event etc.

It’s possible for the perceived importance of something to change in a moment. For example, if a loved one was to arrive at your work and invite you for a coffee immediately before an important meeting you would probably decline saying you hadn’t got the time. If that same loved one arrived before that same important meeting requiring immediate medical assistance it’s not outside the realms of possibility that would then become your priority.

Granted that’s an extreme example and probably not what people would class as procrastinating. Most often the term procrastination is used when it’s something that someone feels should be important isn’t being done.

For instance, as a student I would suddenly develop a need to have the tidiest room imaginable when it came time to start revising – something that wasn’t normally that high on my priorities.

This week I invite you to notice what you are prioritising. Not to beat yourself up if you find yourself watching TV instead of starting something you think should be important, but to increase your awareness of the priorities you’re choosing. Also remember that some time “off” can really increase your productivity.

If there is something that you haven’t got around to yet you may want to play with the following questions:

1. Is this something that you actually want to do? Is the outcome of this event something that you want? If so you may want to consider how else you can get those outcomes.
   
2. If you were paid 10 years worth of salary just to do this thing you haven’t got round to yet, what would you do differently?
   
3. If your own, or your loved ones lives depended upon you getting around to this, what would you do differently?
   

Have a week full of an awareness of your priorities

Love

Jen

“By the time the wind has blown the weather vane around,

I’ll show you if I can,

No matter what the circumstances for one thing I’m renowned,

My character is spit spot spic and span,

I’m practically perfect in every way.”

(Practically Perfect from Disney’s Mary Poppins, music by George Stiles, lyrics by Anthony Drewe)

There are certain films that are regularly part of TV schedules during holiday periods. Yesterday was no exception as one of the classic bank holiday films appeared on the UK TV schedule – Mary Poppins.

It’s not just the fact that my expectations were met about what would be on the TV that prompted me to pen this today. While many may not actually follow Mary Poppins lead by describing themselves as “practically perfect” I do often see people place an unvoiced expectation upon themselves that they, and everything they do, should be perfect.

By perfect they normally mean that it should be “faultless.” Yet the origins of the word perfect actually comes from a Latin word to mean completed. Over 600 years ago the word was being used to mean “to bring to full development.”

If you were to look in the dictionary today, one of the definitions of perfect is still “complete, having all it’s essential qualities.”

These two different definitions can make a big difference to how someone experiences a project or their life in general. Now, if using the faultless definition is working for you then by all means keep doing it. However, the most common results I see with this is an increase in the amount of pressure and stress felt. It’s often used with the best of intentions as a motivating factor to produce your best work. It’s as if you would plan to do bad work if you were focusing on just completing a project!

I also see it as something that stops something from being created because it’s not immediately faultless. For example, a writer may constantly be deleting a paragraph of text and not getting any further because it isn’t faultless. Or someone learning a new skill doesn’t put it into practice as they are not yet faultless. Sometimes, there are steps that need to be taken before your best work can be achieved (ie when writing drafting something, followed by editing etc.)

This week I invite you to play with a situation where you have noticed that you are not making any progress.

What would need to happen for this to be completed?

What is the very next step for this to be closer to completion?

Have a week full of perfection

Love

Jen

“I have a number of alternatives, and each one gives me something different.”

(Glenn Hoddle)

Last week I wrote about identifying and taking ownership of what you actually want is the first step to being able to do something about them.

This week I want to address the part that stops so many people from doing anything more than dreaming.
One of my vague early memories from school is a favourite story about going on an adventure and encountering various obstacles and finding ways around them. For example, when coming across a mountain the line, which we’d all end up chanting, was “can’t go over it, got to go round it.” Different obstacles meant different routes under, through and over.

The thing about obstacles in real life is that sometimes people get mesmerised by the obstacle and not notice any other routes around.

Sometimes it may seem that common knowledge would dictate that it is not possible to do something. History is full of people who would disprove common knowledge – that the world is not flat, that the earth rotates around the sun and that it is possible to run a 4 minute mile are just a few examples.

Brad Cohen knows that living with Tourette Syndrome can be a challenge. When he graduated he had 24 different interviews all saying no. He had to battle the perception that someone who made involuntary noises and twitches was not suitable to teach. Yet he did not quit and on interview number 25 one school felt that they should walk their own talk and give this skilled newly qualified teacher a job.

Mr Cohen went on to be awarded Georgia’s Sallie Mae First Year Teacher of the Year Award and has been a highly respected teacher for the last 14 years.

Perhaps you think that you are too old:

Hazel Soars left school in 1932, when the Great Depression followed by a “busy life” prevented her from carrying on to college. However, she says that she “never lost the desire.” She recently graduated with an art history honours at the age of 94. The great grandmother now plans to work as a museum guide.

Maybe it’s circumstances that are in your way.

At the age of 14 William Kamkwamba lived in a small Malawin village with no electricity. The school he attended was built for 450 and actually had over 1480 students, they had no chairs or tables, no electricity, air conditioning etc. It did however have a small library. Utilising scrap material Kamkwamba created a wind power generator to produce electricity modifying rough plans from one of the library books.

I share these tales not to belittle how you feel about these obstacles but invite you to consider that there may be alternative routes you can create. The three people I mention above could have easily dismissed their ideas as not being possible. That because of their condition, age or circumstances that it just wasn’t possible for them. They may not have followed a conventional route but they did find their own route.

This week I invite you to play with a couple of simple questions designed to help you find possible alternative routes around any obstacles.

These questions are much more powerful if you actually use them with something that you actually really want. (If you haven’t already you may want to play with last weeks exercise first.)

1. Pick something that you genuinely really would love and use that to complete the following questions:

2. What would have to happen to create …?

For example, what would have to happen to create a better relationship with my partner?

3. What needs to happen to create …?

For example, what needs to happen to create enough income to go on holiday to Australia?

Have a week spotting alternative routes

Love

Jen

“Your letter was only the start of it,
One letter and now you’re a part of it”
(Theme tune to BBC TV’s Jim’ll fix it 1975- 1994)

For a whole generation of children in the UK they grew up with the TV show Jim’ll fix it. The concept was simple, viewers (normally children) would write into the show with a wish and the host would “fix it” for that wish to come true. At it’s height the show received 3,000 letters a day from youngsters wanting their dreams to come true.

The thing about what you actually want is that sometimes over time you loose interest because you just don’t want it anymore. Personally, I remember penning “a letter” (I was only 5, I suspect a scribble would have been a better description) to Jim’ll fix it because I wanted to join Postman Pat on his rounds. Many years later I have no real interest in spending the day with a cartoon postman!

Other times we dismiss what we want because there is some form of obstacle in the way. We can quickly dismiss “admitting” what we may want because we consider that there is a very practical reason why we couldn’t be successful. While I’m not denying that a practical obstacle doesn’t exist (and I’ll address obstacles in next week piece) a path around them is a lot easier to locate if you’ve actually identified what it is that you want. Taking ownership of such dreams is the first step.

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”
(Harriet Tubman, c1820 – 1913. Born into slavery she went on to become a conductor on the Underground Railway, an African-American abolitionist and humanitarian)

This week, if you are willing, I invite you to play with the following and see what comes up for you.

1. If you were to write to Jim’ll fix it now what would you ask for?

This is the show that made it possible for a group to eat their lunch on a roller coaster and a viewer to drop an apparently expensive vase on the floor at an antiques show. Most people wrote these letters with that sense of childhood wonder and excitement.

2. What would be even better than that?

3. If you didn’t have to be upset at the possibility of not getting it, what would you want?

4. If you wish share your answers with someone else. Remember that at this stage we are only saying what you want – we’ve not got to a stage at looking at any practical obstacles. If you know someone who is talented at spotting any obstacles and sharing them with you, you may want to wait until you have really clarified what it is you want. Their input will be much more valuable once that is done.

Have a week full of ownership

Love

Jen

“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.”
(Galileo Galilee)

As part of re-arranging my home recently I was sorting and moving belongings from one room to another. As some of the belongings had been boxed up years I had completely forgotten the existence of some things.

One of the things I unearthed was a lovely small cloth bag, with my name stitched on the front, full of post it notes. It was from an exercise loosely based on Johari’s window I’d done on a development day that I’d attended several years ago with a team of colleagues.

If you’re not familiar, Johari’s window is a model devised by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham, published in 1955. Apparently named as a combination of the authors’ first names it’s a model about personal awareness.

To paraphrase their original work, an individual is asked to select words from a list that they feel apply to themselves. The same list is then given to others who know also that individual and they are also asked to select words that they feel best describe that individual.

Once each has 5 or 6 words they feel is a good description the lists are compared. Each word will fall into one of 4 categories:

1. Words selected by both the individual and others as a good description

2. Words selected by others only

3. Words not selected by others or the individual (NB: this doesn’t mean it’s not something that applies to that individual, just that other words were felt to be a stronger description.)

4. Words selected by the individual only.

An analogy that is often used is to imagine that an individual’s behaviours, motives, qualities are being stored in one of 4 rooms inside a building. The rooms are laid out in a square but there are no conventional windows. Instead one of the horizontal walls and one vertical wall is made entirely of glass. This means that 1 room can be seen from anyone looking through the vertical or the horizontal glass walls, 1 room can only be seen by looking through the horizontal wall, 1 room can not be seen by looking in through either glass wall and 1 room can only be seen by looking through the vertical glass wall.

If you imagine that the individual is looking in through the vertical glass wall, and others use the horizontal glass wall then you end up with a diagram that looks like this:

It is possible for things to change “rooms”, for example, something only recognised by others can become to be recognised by the individual as well.

While the exercise we’d done several years ago was a variation on the theme, I still had a bag of feedback/ compliments from colleagues. As I flicked through there were comments in there that I had no recollection of receiving at the time but had come to see for myself in the time that’s passed since.

You may be asking, “how can I use this awareness to make a positive difference when I’m stuck?” Often when someone is stuck for an idea or a new way of behaving etc in a situation they don’t automatically think of some possible solutions because they don’t think that they have a particular quality or behaviour in them.

If you are open to the possibility that sometimes others are in a situation where it’s just easier to see what you haven’t yet, other possibilities can occur.

This week I invite you to play with this for yourself and see what new possibilities occur to you.

1. Notice any compliments and acknowledgements you get this week – even if you think that the other person/people have lost their marbles if they think that’s true!

2. If you’re willing to play further, ask someone you trust to share with you some of what they see as your qualities and/or skills.

3. Notice any answers from 1 or 2 that you don’t believe are true.

4. What if you were wrong? What if this other opinion is right?

Consider a situation where you’re stuck, or would like a new insight. What would you do differently if this other opinion is right?

Bonus

You may be aware of an adoring look that a dog can give its owner or how a small child can idealise a parent. You may want to repeat step 4 using this perspective.

5. You may find that, if you choose to, some of your answers are actually something that you could easily do now.

Have a week full of moving rooms and possibilities

Love

Jen

“The best way to find out where you are from is find out where you are going and work backwards.”

(The 4^th Doctor, played by Tom Baker from the Doctor Who TV story “City of Death”)

I happened to watch an episode of a “classic” sci-fi TV show recently. Although I didn’t recall seeing this particular story before, it was from a series I’d seen as a child and remembered that it could be quite scary to my eight-year-old self. In fact, a warning that “the following program contains themes of peril” preceded the recent TV airing I saw!

As I watched I found myself laughing at certain points I’d have considered just a little scary as a child. After all, time’s moved on and as an adult I now have a different perspective and knowledge.

The passing of time and things which once seemed important, stressful and perilous becoming inconsequential is not something that just applies to childhood television shows. There’s no doubt occasions you can think of from your past that appeared important at the time, that once some time had passed you can’t recall why that seemed like such a big deal.

This week I invite you to play with that concept to make a difference in the present.

1. Pick something to play with, which when you think about it at the moment seems like it’s a big deal. Maybe it’s a situation that appears stressful, draining or perilous!

The next stages involve playing with imagining things so don’t pick to do that when it is safer for your focus to be elsewhere – for instance when you are driving a car!

2. As I started by talking about a sci-fi program, imagine that you time travelled 2 months into the future – so that it is now July 2010. Look back on the situation that you thought of as big. Notice, now 2 months further on how you think about it now.

3. Once you’ve done that time travel a bit further so that you are two years into the future and it is now 2012. The London Olympics preparations are in their final stages and as you look back to May 2010 and that thing that you thought was big, notice how you look at it now with the benefit of 2 years extra experience and knowledge.

4. You obviously have got the hang of the time travelling because you have now travelled 10 years into the future, to the year 2020. Look back at 10 years ago, to the situation that seemed so important then and become aware of how important it is now in 2020.

5. Before we finish our time travelling, visit your “twilight years”, surrounded by loving family and friends, look back at that event, all that time ago. How significant is it to you now? With all that time that’s passed what advice or comment would you have given that younger you back in 2010?

6. When you’ve finished travel back to May 2010, bringing back any and all the valuable and useful information you gained by travelling through time.

7. Some people find that wiggling their fingers and toes, blowing raspberries and/or generally stretching is an ideal way to end a time travelling experience and making sure they are fully back in the present

8. Now you are back in May 2010, and armed with the benefit of the perspective of the future you may become aware that the situation you choose to play with is now different. You may even have inspiration of what your next step could be when previously you were stuck.

Have a week with time travelling adventures and decreasing perils.

Love

Jen

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

(Aristotle)

   
 
This week I’m sticking with the topic of self care and what you can do if you love the idea, want to play some more but somehow when it would really help you to remember to pay attention you forget all about this idea.

What if you could use the things that you find give you a boost and, if you choose to, make them a habit? Today I am going to talk a bit about how you can take what you already know and turn it into habit.

I know that habits often get a bad press and there is no doubt that some habits have undesirable consequences. A habit is just something that you do automatically without thinking about it. I’m sure you probably already know that the habits that I’m talking about have results that you want in a manner you’re happy with having.

So how do you go about turning a technique into a habit and increase your chances of using it when you need it most? The secret is to actually use the technique – and I do mean more than just the once. The knowledge that it works for you is one thing but you’re not going to get the benefit unless you use that method!

Now that may sound simple, and it is, but the thing that often prevents people from doing that is that they get caught up in the regular routine and their good intentions of practicing fly out the window.

Here are two ways to include practicing techniques and methods into your regular routine with ease.

1) Build it into your schedule.

Think about all the things you do as part of your regular routine without having to give it any thought. Perhaps it’s something that you do at a particular time of day or on a particular evening. For example if it’s Tuesday then it must be …

Then there are all the things that you have set in a specific order in your routine which are now so automatic. Do you really have to think about cleaning your teeth in the morning and many people automatically check for their keys each time they leave their home.

Use what you already do to make incorporating the things that work for you into your life easily. Perhaps it’s something that you can do at a specific time of day – i.e. spending 5 minutes at lunchtime. Maybe it’s something that you can build into your existing routine – if your day involves a daily commute by train perhaps its something you could do then.

Building it into your regular routine ensures that you have actually got the time to start doing something. You will be the expert on your unique schedule and remember that this is about building it into your life so that it works for you.

For example: When Jo looked at the things that, when she did them, she had a better day she discovered that being reminded of her accomplishments helped to keep things in perspective and she didn’t blow other things out of proportion. She decides to spend 5 minutes at the start of her working day, before checking any email, to just “reconnect” (i.e. list) her accomplishments. She finds that this puts her in a much better mindset for whatever the rest of the day brings.

Bob likes an exercise that involves visualising and squeezing his thumb and finger together. (Click here for full details) Bob find’s that he can spend 2 minutes doing that immediately after he has had his evening meal.

Rachel discovered that travelling a certain route to work may add 5 minutes onto her journey but was far less crowded so she arrived more relaxed and ready to focus on the job at hand. She found that leaving that 5 minutes early was not only far more pleasant but she got more done in that first hour at work as well.

2) External reminder

Perhaps there is a technique that you know that, when you use it, works brilliantly. However in the “heat of the moment” you get caught up and don’t always use it. Using an external reminder in such a situation is ideal.

Remember it needs to be a reminder that will actually give you a nudge at the right moment. Think about the situation you want to apply this in and the things that will attract your attention particularly if you are focussing upon something else.

It’s probably worth mentioning here that a sticky note often has an initial impact when you first look at it but it often then becomes part of your surroundings and will not grab your attention in the same way as an alarm or a pop up on your computer.

For example, Brian knew that he feels more confident when he sits/stands in a particular posture. He choose to set his mobile phone alarm every hour to let him check how he was sitting and standing and alter his posture if needed.

Lisa knew that spending 10 minutes admiring the view from her kitchen window in the morning was great for her. She decided that sticking a sticky note on the top of her breakfast cereal packet would force her to see it and move it if she wanted to have her breakfast. The note had that initial impact for which sticky notes are so ideal.

This week I invite you to play with the following:

1. Think of all the things that you know that, if you did them, makes a positive difference to your day – if you played with the exercise a couple of weeks ago you will already have a ready made list.

2. From your list pick 1 that most appeals and you are happy with the consequences.

3. If you choose to, how could you build this into your schedule?
How else could you do that?

4. If you choose to, how could you set up an external reminder to use this more?
How else could you do that?

5. If you want repeat steps 3 – 5 picking another item on your list.

Have a lovely week full of using your own knowledge.

Love

Jen